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We got jobbed, Minnesota sports fans. Over and over

There is big news to reveal today for fans of Minnesota's major sports entities. A collection of this state's brightest and best have been spending long hours since November 2020 auditing suspicious results in past competitions involving our sporting heroes.

The forensic scientists and cyber investigators involved wanted to remain anonymous, out of fear these revelations will embarrass the NFL, NHL, big-league baseball, NCAA and the Big Ten and it could cost our team of technological wizards future business.

There was no greater calling here than objectivity; thus, degraded film prevented us from going back more than 50 years.