Your Game Day Wedges Want to Kill You

The first home game of the season is upon us and it’s time to talk Game Day safety. Folks may tell you that the stuff in your handbag is dangerous, that all must be able to see its contents at all times, but a foe much bigger than sunglasses and lip gloss lurks amid the Inspiring Halls.

Your five-inch platform wedge heels.

More lethal on Game Day than the LSU defense, scarier than Mike the Tiger swimming up from behind, more surprising than Cole Tracy in his first LSU game, those unwieldy heels so many of you wear will kill your ankles. Seriously, they want you dead.

I get it, you’re a grown-up and you can wear incredibly ill-advised five-inch platform wedges with the world’s thinnest ankle…