Mike the Tiger Implores All Y’all to CHILLAX

AHEM — Mike the Tiger here with a very important Public Tiger Announcement.

All y’all need to CHILL.

I mean What The Alabama, guys? All of the sudden you want Me the Tiger to be homeless? Do I need to get a lawyer? Will LSU just supply me with one, just like LSU supplies me with everything else that I need?

They’ve got a petition to evict me from my home, like WHAT DID I DO TO YOU. I’m just the best Tiger around, the most lovable, the most beautiful. Tremendously striped, hugely tailed.

My life is amazing, my caretakers literally shape my food BY PAW into the opposing team’s mascot. MAYBE THIS WEEK I’LL FEAST ON WELL-MEANING, BUT MISINFORMED, PETITION SIGNERS.

The only thing I don’t like about…