That's the thing with grief. It is always there, stalking your every move from the shadows. You know it, you carry the burden but are still powerless when it pounces to consume you.
For Andrew Robertson, grief clamped on to him in a Glasgow hotel room on Tuesday, hours before one of the biggest nights of his career. Alone with his thoughts, pondering the prospect of potentially reaching the World Cup finals, the only person on his mind was his mate 'Jots'.
'I think I have hidden it well but I've been in bits,' he told Kelly Cates on the BBC.