Shadow White Sox: A simulated rebuild

Brock Osweiler looks like a combination of your standard high school jock and said jock twenty years later, working late hours as an investment broker whose favorite string of words is ‘back in high school.’ Brock Osweiler plays football like he is being controlled by your drunk cousin John in a game of Madden he probably shouldn’t have started in the first place.

In 2016, the Houston Texans decided to sign Osweiler to a hefty, four-year, $72 million contract that went south in the sort of accelerated slow motion sadness that you see on pitchers’ faces as they miss a spot down the middle to Giancarlo Stanton, or that you feel happening on your own face as you knock your iPhone into the…