Hello friends. It’s me, Fitzy. You probably know WRNL as “a satire site” or “the try-hard jokers” or “those assholes whose keyboards we should take away.”
Well, whichever one it is, you’re right. We’re the guys who made fake news before it was cool. But this year, we’re on our best behavior because we received SPECIFIC instructions to not do any fake stories on April Fool’s Day from our overlords at SB Nation. We’re in satire jail, in other words. We haven't done satire in ages and that's not changing today.
Thus, this April Fool’s Day, you’re getting a comprehensive list of all the ideas for satire articles we WOULD have done - if we weren’t upstanding citizens who always obey orders and never toe the line on controversy.