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The Texans Botched The Offseason

When a dead thing is stumbled upon, whether its the family pet, or the boomer, the reaction is the same. Boy, so and so has been sleeping for an awful long time. The eggs are getting cold Susan. You call its name. It doesn’t move. You yell louder. It still doesn’t move. The heart is a bolus plummeting into the stomach. You shake it. Nothing happens. It’s rigid. You kick it it. Your toes break. You scream upon realization.

After the first wave of free agency Texans’ fans yelled, but the Texans didn’t move. Oh, well, it’s fine.