Texans v. Lions: SIX Things To Watch For

Benny Sieu-USA TODAY Sports Earlier this week the Texans and Lions conjoined together to create a abhorrent faux New England conglomeration—KILL ME. Bill O’Brien and Matt Patricia put on their red jumpsuits with a black webbed pattern, pearl oblong eyes stitched to a red mask that covered their chin dimple and groundhog beard, and they struck their fingers at one another’s football operations. Patricia zoomed around on a four wheeler, still coaching, even with a torn Achilles, because football, football never stops, and O’Brien yakked on about doing your job, getting the bare minimum out of your roster, and how Matt Kalil had a good camp and it was up to Jadeveon Clowney to decide when he wanted to be here. The party was only missing Mike Vrabel leading men with a bloody crotch, who enraged the other two in jealousy by hanging out with the messiah himself. We all can’t be the favorite son.

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