The ever-scrupulous Ministry of Information has written a brief summary of the glorious Houston Texans' Week One matchup against the corrupt, inept, and irrelevant Bears of Chicago. You read now.
Comrades! Our first game of the Houston Texans' march to a Super Bowl championship begins on Sunday. But there are many obstacles that would sabotage that quest.
The first of which is a minor speed bump that is the Chicago Bears.
The pitiful Bears defense, as of this posting, might get their top three corners back. Sources loyal to the opposition claim that Kyle Fuller, Tracy Porter, and Bryce Callahan returned to practice after missing time due to a knee scoping, being in concussion protocol, and an injured hamstring, respectively.