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Battle Royale: Ranking All 32 NFL Mascots By Deadliness

Mascots. A cornerstone of (most) NFL teams’ game day “experience”, but really they’re for promotional material. These lovable caricatures roam the field performing cute pranks and making merriment with the younger fans in attendance. However, has anyone stopped and considered how deadly these representations can really be?

No? Well, I decided to rank them anyways. These rankings are objectively perfect and based on casting a spell on the mascots, which would turn them into the very thing that they portray. With that being said, let’s get this show on the road.

Small Animals (mostly)

32-29. Washington, Giants, Jets, Packers- Fun Haters

All of these teams are tied here because they equally share a disdain for mascots.