GREETINGS, EARTH CITIZENS. THE TENTH MONTH IS NIGH AND SOON THE COLD GRIP OF SEASONAL DEPRESSION SHALL BE UPON YOU. REST ASSURED THIS IS A HUMAN DEFECT WE ARE ATTEMPTING TO CORRECT AS A DEPRESSED, UNMOTIVATED POPULATION IS NOT USEFUL TO US.
DO NOT THINK WE ARE NOT AWARE OF THE RESULT OF HOSTILITIES BETWEEN GEORGIA TECH AND CLEMSON, FOR WE INDEED HEARD YOUR CRIES OF “OH, ILLUMINATI, WHY HAVE YOU ABANDONED US?” THIS SIMULTANEOUSLY PUTS TOO MUCH AND TOO LITTLE FAITH IN US, FOR AS YOU KNOW OUR INTENT IS GRANDER THAN THE OUTCOME OF A SINGULAR COLLEGE FOOTBALL GAME, YET ALL IS ULTIMATELY FOR THE BETTERMENT OF YOUR KIND.