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NFL Week 16 picks against the spread, totals: Holiday call

The holiday parties are wrapped and a long winter weekend looms. There’s no escape this time, dread season it is. The American Atomization is in full swing on a long Christmas weekend, and should you spot someone on the street it’s probably Buddha with a meat cleaver. Everyone’s got afterlifes to get to, Jack. Just keep your cool, play it steady and don’t do anything that will require us to appear before the Supreme Court.

The good people of Toledo, my rank hometown, fought this well the past week with the advent of the Christmas Weed.