There's no need to pretend that D.C. United's game with the New England Revolution was anything other than a boring match. There are things to learn, sure, but overall it had next to nothing to offer in terms of visceral entertainment. This is early season MLS, it happens.
Instead of trying to turn this into a Serious Thinkpiece, I'm going to steal an idea from one of my favorite Simpsons episodes. Here are 22 short stories about United's trip to Foxboro:
Touch wood, but Worra's MLS career has started with a 122 minute shutout.