You may remember how I started my Detroit preview with an expression of hatred. Well, double that for Pittsburgh and the Pittsburgh Penguins. Pittsburgh is a dirty city of dirty people. They’re fat and toothless with an accent that can melt paint. The Pittsburgh Left is a completely wreckless way to drive. Oh, you got three rivers? Too bad they all stink. Literally. And who the hell puts fries in a goddamn sandwich? This is why ISIS hates us.
And the Penguins. The mascot is dumb. What kind of chump-ass bird can’t even fly? I hate the way NBC and the rest of the national hockey media fawns over them.