Today, we govern the ‘sticky’.

Today marks the first official Rockies game under new foreign substance mandates.

Major League Baseball will now “suspend players caught with any foreign substance for 10 days with pay to help curtail the widespread use of grip enhancers by pitchers around the league,” as quoted by ESPN’s Jeff Passan. The league has finally outlawed anything sticky on the mound: Spider Tack, Pelican Grip, a pine tar stick, a pine tar rag—in certain cases, even sunscreen.

Pitches have become so artificially nasty over the past several years, and the term ‘grip enhancer’ has often taken a deceptive, malicious meaning. It is now all gone: even the innocent enhancement.

You can’t use an outside substance to…