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As it turns out, the Cincinnati Reds did not sign Shohei Ohtani

Superstar hitter, runner, pitcher extraordinaire Shohei Ohtani is no longer a free agent.

Despite the best efforts from the fine front offices of the Toronto Blue Jays, Los Angeles Angels, Seattle Mariners, San Francisco Giants, and elsewhere, it was the Los Angeles Dodgers who predictably ponied up the gargantuan sum to sign the two-way superstar, inking him to a record-smashing 10-year, $700 million contract Saturday afternoon.

I believe Joey Votto’s reaction to the news was the best:

I chortled out loud in a shop. Person asked if I was ok.