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Ruthless inefficiency: White Sox outlast Astros, 3-2

As the final game of Opening Day 2023 sped by, players, fans, and media all started to get a sense of what the new pace-quickening of the game could mean to them.

Batters genuinely flummoxed by the mastery of Houston starter Framber Valdez and Chicago’s Dylan Cease appeared to believe they had been shaved from three strikes to two.

Media on press row were in a panic, as no longer would the languid consumption of hot dogs or over-engaged Twitter interactions be padded by the fat of the Konerkoing or Mauerizing of at-bats.

Fans recognized that to even get a second or third beer in, pregaming will have to pull ever closer to noon.