The only noteworthy developments involving current Cubs players were Pete Crow-Armstrong dyeing his hair blue and Justin Steele sharing harmfully ignorant conspiracy theories, so it felt like a good time to tackle a few other topics. I really want to have a little fun with some more lighthearted stuff, but we need to wade through a couple other topics to get there.
As a note of warning to those who don’t share my borderline obsession with bats, the last section here may not be your jam and can be skipped.