It's time for our silliest preseason tradition: The 11th (how???) annual League Pass Rankings, a watchability scale to help you avoid wasting time on things like, "Wait, has this team actually ordered its players to tie their shoes together as part of its Lose-A-Rama for Victor Wembanyama campaign?"
These are not power rankings! They are derived from a formula Bill Simmons found scrawled on parchment paper inside a glass bottle that washed up on the shores of Malibu.
Teams are scored 1-10 in five categories:
ZEITGEIST: When you talk about this team at parties, do people slink away?