The Trial of John Fox: Part 1 - The Opening Arguments

John FoxLadies and gentlemen of the jury, we are here to determine the guilt or innocence in the case of The People v. John Fox. The charges brought forth against the defendant are gross negligence and mismanagement of the NFL’s charter franchise. I am here to prove that this man is responsible for single-handedly ruining our enjoyment of Chicago Bears football. The man who has made a personal affront to our ability to enjoy the offensive side of the ball.

Nobody is a bigger fan of Mitchell Trubisky than I am. There isn’t a Bears fan that wanted to see his name called when the Bears were on the clock more than I did. There certainly wasn’t a fan that celebrated harder — with Coors Banquet of…