Cole Palmer can't understand why one of my children wears a Cole Palmer Chelsea shirt.
When the boys score a goal in the garden, I explain, they shout 'COLD!', the same way their elders have long since screeched 'SIUUU!' in worship of Cristiano Ronaldo. He is this generation's exclamation mark.
'Yeah, yeah, but why have you let him get a Chelsea shirt if he's a Newcastle fan?'
Because you transcend tribalism. You're a player who invites us to leave our allegiance at the turnstile. That's nice, yeah?
'Yeah,' he begins, but the start of a lyrical monologue this is not.