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Grantland Rice Never Wrote A Baseball Article Like This

First, the headline:

Let's Use Reason to Deduce When Archie Bradley Pooped Himself

Meg Rowley refers to an anecdote told earlier this week by Diamondbacks reliever Archie Bradley, in which he admitted he has to urinate just before he leaves the bullpen to pitch in a game:

So I run in our bathroom real quick, I'm ready to go. I'm trying to pee and I actually [expletive] my pants. Like right before I'm about to go in the game, I pooped my pants. ... I'm scrambling to clean myself up .