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Earth to Gordon Hayward - come in please!

I just had to do this. I am awaiting the next story on Gordon Hayward's whereabouts and rehab progress. I could read he has been launched to the moon in one of North Korea's rockets and believe it as much as he is among the missing, having traveled to Indiana for the sole purpose of working with a running specialist. Don't we have good ones in Boston?

Trust me! This is not a knock on Gordon whatsoever. Nor on the Celtics coach or front office.