Having moved to the beautifully frozen city of Minneapolis nearly a month ago, I prolonged every American millenial's traditional shopping spree at IKEA. Though I find amusement at the Swedish successfully turning droves of people into actual human cattle, I just don't like shopping.
Anyway, an unsuccessful visit two nights ago was followed by yet another outing to stupid IKEA last night. Minutes upon walking into America's best/worst import, I got the news. The Dexter Fowler news. No, it wasn't the $3.99 spatula or the $14.99 rug, but the Orioles agreeing to an extremely club-friendly 3-year, $35M (or $33M as Jon Heyman is reporting) deal that prompted a public fist-pump and probably too loud "oh yeah" near a group of frivolous older ladies.