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The Atlanta Falcons late season fan retention plan

Watching Falcons head coach Dan Quinn drag out his football hara-kiri over eight more games will only keep us so engaged. We need more enticement to sit through the coming fiasco. Yeah, there’s the old rah-rah about playing for pride, but that’s not going to put butts in the seats and eyes on the tube.

Luckily, we are in Atlanta, where years of sports frustration taught us how to build on failure. There are ways to keep us riveted.

Obviously, we have to stay within the rules. As entertaining as it would be to, say, connect any two receivers on either side of the field by a 20-yard bungee cord at the waist, the league would disallow it.