This article is a parody, and none of the quotes contained within are real and factual. If you can’t tell that by the title alone please re-evaluate your life.
The Falcons are officially one of the most cash-strapped teams in the league. A few bad decisions the team had confidence in at the time caught general manager Thomas Dimitroff and head coach Dan Quinn by surprise. The spending spree on the offensive line did not pay off, they have too many underperforming-yet-expensive veterans, their landlords said if they are late on rent again they will be evicted, and those nitro cold brew coffees from Starbucks they have been guzzling are $5 each!