What this team needed was apparently Juan Uribe. It seems as if Juan Uribe’s sweat-juice is something akin to unicorn tears, which we all know extend your life and give you super magical healing powers. And get you ass-tons of hits. Shut up. It’s true. All baseball players punch a unicorn before they go up to bat.
Anway, the bats sorta went all splodey-splode on the Snakes last night, the big blow being a mammoth jack by a suddenly hot Freddie Freeman. I assume he’s angry because the DC local beat writers are publishing stories about how good Dan Uggla is at hugs, and Freddie’s like “DUDE, THAT’S MY SCHTICK!