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Somers: 'Don't you know who I am?' is the worst of all opening lines

In the history of the world, there is no recorded evidence that the question, “Don’t you know who I am?” opened any doors or extricated anyone from trouble.

If you’re asking that question, then, no, people either don’t know who you are, don’t care, or already despise you.

So even though I’ve written for azcentral and the Arizona Republic’s sports pages since I had hair and no kids, I’m not going to assume you know me now that the hair is gone and the three kids are out of the house.

At least I think the kids are out of the house.