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Humor: Hello, United Airlines? Favors for a friend?

Dear United Airlines management,

I’ve always thought we were friends. And now -- reading about your top executives’ alleged kindnesses toward a big shot at the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey – I realize there’s an easy way to be sure.

I just have a few requests. Don’t worry. I’m not asking you to reinstate a money-losing flight between Newark and Columbia, S.C., just to ease my weekend escapes. (That would be crazy, right?) But it would mean so much to me if you could just:

  1. Charge me $20 per checked bag, instead of $25 for the first bag and $35 for the second.