No time for an intro. Let's get right to it. These are in no particular order, so feel free to arrange as you feel necessary. Or not.
1. Beijing -- The Bird's Nest stadium from the 2008 Olympics just sits there unused for the most part. It's only use has been for scarce firework shows and Stephon Marbury concerts. Bags of tea are plentiful in Beijing and all of China, but LSU fans can rest easy knowing there are zero Krystal franchises in the entire country.
2. Boise -- Now that Boise State will find themselves sooooo close once again -- never finishing higher than fifth in any poll or committee vote -- they can at least show off that fancy blue field and host the national championship game.
3. Birmingham -- The towel industry has struggled since Alabama moved all home games to Bryant-Denny Stadium. There was a day and time when you could grab the family, jump in the car, drive to Legion Field, lock the doors upon arriving in Legion Field's neighborhood and choose between the 500 people imploring you to park in their driveway by waving a white towel. The Pope instituted Fish Fridays to stimulate the fish market economy. Why can't we stiumulate towel sales with a national championship game at the legendary Old Grey Lady, Legion Field?
4. East Dillon, TX -- If you watched Friday Night Lights on NBC or Direct TV's 101, you know why this is the best idea. EH-VER! The man who shares my name, Coach Eric Taylor, would look the school presidents in the eye, turn his head ever so slightly, purse his lips, and ask, "Do you have a problem with East Dillon, son? Then I suggest you put that game in our stadium. Now get out of my office and don't come back without a ballgame to play." Sidenote: The bid will include guarantees that Lyla McGarrity and Tammy Taylor will be available as sideline reporters. I think we just moved East Dillon ahead of the Jerry Dome in Dallas.
5. Rome, Italy -- The Colosseum is awesome. Maximus Decimus Meridius would throw out the first pitch. A first pitch in football? Yes. He's Maximus. Maximus pitches what he wants to pitch.
6. Indianapolis -- Not for obvious reasons. This championship game should be played in Butler University's campus at the historical Hinkle Fieldhouse. The climactic scenes of Hoosiers were filmed right here inside Hinkle Fieldhouse. I want to be there the day before the game when Les Miles hands offensive coodinator Jordan Jefferson (it's at least 2014, so Jefferson has had time to join the LSU staff and somehow become offensive coordinator) a tapemeasure and asks him to measure the entire field -- much like Gene Hackman's character did in Hoosiers to show his team the court is no different than the one they play on in their smaller gym. "But Coach," says Jefferson. "This is a 25-foot tape measure. The field is 100 yards." Les Miles just smirks and says, "Thank you very much. Have a great day."
7. Fargo -- It would be coooold, don't cha knooooo.
8. Augusta, GA -- What better place to hold the national championship game for the world heavyweight title than Augusta National? The Azaleas will be dormant, but that's no excuse not to have 350-pound guys in cleats running around on grass grown and shipped via Fed Ex from heaven. Now this is a tradition unlike any other.
9. Bristol, TN -- Tennessee and Virginia Tech have talked about playing here for years. Ball's in your court, Bristol Motorspeedway. How awesome would it be to have 150,000 people attending the national championship game? Dale, Jr. can do some sweet donuts and a burnout at the 50-yard line after the game.
10. Green Bay -- Lambeau Field. That is all.
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