The South is full of religious people with varying backgrounds. Although varying, religion is still the foundation on which much of the South's ideals are built. Heck, the South is the buckle of the Bible Belt. With that being said, there remains no larger religious body in the whole wide world than the Catholics.
Catholocism doesn't just have a belt. It's the pants on which the belt is worn.
While the South has what seems to be 3,429 religious bodies from which to choose, planet earth has the ever-powerful Catholic church. The Catholic Church is as widespread as the Roman Empire at its apex.
Based on the numbers alone, it appears Alabama has no shot at beating Notre Dame. A whopping 25 percent of the U.S. population is Catholic. Catholicism is also the practice of choice for almost every single person in Spain, Italy, and 99 percent of Latin American countries.
So, in essence, the 2013 BCS Championship Game in Miami (South Florida) is Alabama vs. The World. When you take a closer look, it's really not even fair. The 'Tide's huge underdog status versus Miami in the Sugar Bowl in 1993 has nothing on this jihad mismatch. Don't fret though 'Bama fans. As 1992 Alabama quarterback Jay Barker once said: "If this is a David versus Goliath matchup, then I want to be David. David wins."
Either way you look at it, the odds -- and apparently Jesus -- are stacked against Alabama.
Luckily for the 'Tide, the game will not be played in a church or some holy war battlefield. It'll take place in a city where sin is more prevalant than fried chicken at a Southern Baptist/Church of Christ/Methodist pot luck. Along with religion, there are other intangibles that can clue us in on who will win on January 7th in South Florida.
Let's take a look and determine a winner after considering this entire list of intangibles.
1. The Catholics have THE POPE! Southern religious folk have Joel Osteen.
Sure, Osteen has built a great deal of wealth and large following from his home base in Houston, Texas, but come on. The Pope has a city all to himself. HIS. OWN. CITY. I was impressed when I heard Osteen was able to take the Summit in Houston -- former home of the Houston Rockets -- and fill it to the rafters. The arena is now known as Lakewood Church Central Campus. But as impressive as that is, the Pope has too much depth on the roster with the Vatican and St. Peter's Square.
ADVANTAGE: Notre Dame
2. Notre Dame head coach Brian Kelly is Catholic. So is Alabama head coach Nick Saban.
Is this all part of a grand scheme by the Catholic Church to take over the world through college football? I wouldn't doubt it. The most powerful person in Alabama is Nick Saban. A close second is Coach Saban's wife, Terry. It's all starting to make sense now. If Alabama did win the game, the Pope would probably hire Saban away from Alabama to become Head Cardinal. This is really becoming a lose-lose situation for the 'Tide.
ADVANTAGE: Notre Dame
3. Notre Dame has Rudy. Alabama has Forrest Gump.
This seems to be a push. Yeah, Rudy was a great movie and a great story, but Forrest Gump -- had he been a real person -- made bigger plays in bigger games than Rudy. However, Rudy actually existed. Granted, the story told in the movie was very embellished, so this one may be a tie.
4. Notre Dame had Joe Montana. Alabama had Joe Namath.
Please. Is this even a contest? Even if it were close, Joe Namath saying he wanted to kiss Suzy Kolber in front of a national television audience gives Broadway Joe a huge edge. Sure, Montana won a Super Bowl or ten, but Namath won his ring as a huge underdog and guaranteed the win in a time when not every athlete had a voice like they do today with social media and extensive media coverage.
5. Notre Dame had Bob Davie.
That's it. They had Bob Davie and now we have to listen to him on ESPN. His analysis of a televised game is like that of a 8-year-old child telling a 25-minute story about the stick he was playing with in the front yard earlier in the day.
6. Tim Tebow almost went to Alabama BECAUSE HE
LIKED LOVED MIKE SHULA. BUT, Mike Shula was Catholic.
Wow. Now we're getting into some serious intangibles. This one is too powerful to analyze. I'm scared the sun may explode if I proceed any further.
7. Mike DuBose, Mike Price, Bob Davie, George O'Leary. Both of these historically elite programs have proven they are human.
Honestly, if Notre Dame's name was anything but Notre Dame, it would be tough to tell them apart from a school like Texas Tech or Maryland since 1988. Alabama's history over the past five years far surpasses Notre Dame's attempt at relevance over the previous 20. ADVANTAGE: Alabama
After much deliberation, it appears Alabama has a slight edge in the "Intangibles" category over Notre Dame although the holy war portion of the evening is dominated by the Catholic Caravan.
These intangibles along with uselss minitiae like rosters and matchups shed an extremely bright light on who will be the next team to hoist the BCS Championship crystal football.
FINAL SCORE: Alabama 30 Notre Dame 21
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