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Paul Ryan’s Nightmare

House Majority Speaker Paul Ryan, known for being an athletic policy-wonk, was reportedly overheard at a Washington D.C. establishment speaking candidly about a recent dream. The source, who wishes to remain anonymous, heard Speaker Ryan describing the frightening event as a “vivid characterization of everything I find horrifying on this planet. It was a Demon Drink.” We dug deeper into this story and the details are surprising.

Although Speaker Ryan couldn’t be reached directly for comment, professional journalistic digging found that his dream was about the Starbucks™ Unicorn Frappuccino. Starbucks capitalized on the unveiling of their latest concoction and American fixation—unicorn-themed food.