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No, Clippy, get the heck out of here. How’d you even get here? I use a Mac.

YOU LOOK SAD.

Of course I’m sad, Clippy, I’m a Mariners fan and—look, why am I talking to you? You’re a creepy anthropomorphized paper clip. Your name is so unimaginative you make that “I’m the map” song from Dora look like a Rachmaninoff Concerto.

YOU SEEM TO BE LASHING OUT. WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT?

I—okay fine. So, the White Sox starter, telenovela character Anthony Ranoudo, had super-shaky command in the first inning and gave up two runs right off the bat.