Back in high school, I authored a satirical website about my school's football team. It didn't end well once a freedom hater concerned student alerted the administration.
One of the running jokes was that a friend of mine, who was not on the football team, was holding out for more money. I joked that he once scored 5 touchdowns on 3 touches to go along with 400-plus yards, an impossible feat. You can't net 400 yards on 3 touches. You can't score more touchdowns than times you touch the ball.
But the more times you touch the ball, the more times you should score.