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More player ratings, this time to the tune of T.V. theme songs.

Woof. What a depressing game. Watching another backup quarterback turn Jim Knowles’ defense to Swiss cheese was awful for Cowboy fans. So let’s talk about something a little better: television. Or specifically, TV theme songs. The right combination of familiar, dulcet tones can get us feeling comfortably numb even on the saddest days.

So turn your sound on, and let these reviews wash over you like so many Brock Purdy passes.

Five Stars:

True Detective Season 1

From the dusty mesa

Her looming shadow grows

Hidden in the branches of the poison creosote

She twines her spines up slowly

Towards the boiling sun

And when I touched her skin

My fingers ran with blood

Oh my god.