XOXO - Sidney Rice

One of the strangest rivalries in the NFL kicks off again tomorrow night, as the Vikings head to Seattle to take on the Seahawks. Now, as a Minnesota fan, I despise the Seahawks. This sounds ridiculous, considering they rarely play each other and there are no geographical bragging rights to be had. But Vikings-Seahawks always gets my ire up, even in the preseason.

See, the 'rivalry' I'm talking about is less like a bloodthirsty war in the trenches for eternal glory, and more like an episode of Gossip Girl (note: I have never seen an episode of Gossip Girl. Is it about football?). There is a well-worn path between Minneapolis and Seattle for players and coaches alike, and it all started with the ultimate troll contract in the history of professional sports. When Minnesota signed Steve Hutchinson away in the spring of 2006, there was a clause in his offer sheet that would have guaranteed his entire $49 million contract if he were not the highest paid lineman on the team. Since Seattle OT Walter Jones was already more highly paid, Seattle was unable to keep Hutchinson. In much the same way that a woman steals a man from her best friend, they signed Vikings WR Nate Burleson to an offer sheet which guaranteed his entire contract were he to play more than five games a year in the state of Minnesota. I imagine the offer sheet was signed and sealed with a kiss and a spray of perfume. As a result of this bitch duel, the teams have continued to sign away the other's personnel. As far as I'm concerned, the most recent defectors from Minnesota can go jump off Mount Rainier. I hope Sidney Rice and Tarvaris Jackson like rain.

Oh, and by the way, Nirvana sucks.