My Dearest Eleanor,
I write you this correspondence before we depart the fare city of Philadelphia. The sweltering heat claimed many victims on this fateful day; however, the United States Men’s National Team has survived another round of this frightful competition. General Bruce Arena led his men to a successful 2-0 victory over El Salvador.
As I prepared my Earthly body for this tumultuous encounter, I asked myself and our Heavenly Father the question that was on the mind of every man, woman, and child: Where, oh where, is God’s gift to us and our once proud hero Jonathan Bornstein?