Former Redskins TE Fred Davis Stars In Maybe The Worst Rap Video Of All Time

 

Former Redskins TE Fred Davis is the latest professional athlete to show up in a rap video, but unfortunately for us, he decided to turn it into a showcase for his own musical talents. Since there's absolutely no way you'll be able to make it through the entire 3:21, we'll break it down for you (NSFW language, because obviously):

 

[embed]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_w9EMnpMQjw[/embed]

0:00: The song is titled 'Money Talks', so we already have a pretty solid idea what this song is going to be about: responsible financial planning.

0:01-0:24: Man, this is an unnecessarily long intro. Like, 4-5 seconds of this would have been totally fine.

0:25-0:41: Here we go, I guess. Fred Davis starts us off, dancing in front of a car. "All I talk is money, all I talk is bandz." He clocks in at about a 4/10 on the athletes who rap scale - he can successfully rhyme words with other words, which was a pleasant surprise. He's way below Roy Jones Jr., but significantly above Kobe.

0:50: Fred Davis is "blue, cause I'm crippin", which makes the red car and red sweatshirt seem a little out of place, but ok, we can work with that.

0:55: The dude who looks like Cisco Adler on mescaline is apparently Issa J, which we only know because Fred Davis helpfully introduced him.

1:23: Looks like he doesn't get to rap yet, though - this must be Whiskey P, who lives up to his name by motivating us to dull the pain with alcohol.

1:23-1:40: We have no idea what's going on here, so we're just gonna go ahead and pretend Whiskey P is imploring us to save the environment while throwing hundred dollar bills on the floor.

2:01-2:44: Here comes Issa J, who starts off his verse by rhyming 'money' with 'money'. Things don't get much better from there.

2:44-3:21: Fred Davis is back, and we're kind of relieved. He's just saying 'All I talk is money that's the language that I'm speakin' over and over, but that's honestly an improvement over what was going on before.

 

So yeah, there you go. Davis is currently awaiting suspension for violating the league's substance abuse policy, probably a result of listening to too much of his own music. We eagerly await news of him signing with a team, if only because we don't really want to live in a world where he can focus all his attention on his music career.

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