As a borderline creepy fan of any team, you develop a connection to seemingly the entire roster. Any personnel decision seems to strike you deep in your heart, and the tears flow freely as you lament the release of your favorite 3rd string tight end. For that reason, the end of training camp is particularly painful. Suddenly, the roster is cut down by a third and you're left a glassy-eyed, quivering mess. I've spent the last few days holed up in my room writing songs for the likes of Devon Torrence and Juaquin Iglesias. The results are mostly just bad imitations of The Cure with lots of swear words and about the Minnesota Vikings. As such, they've been destroyed. Still, those training camp warriors who missed the cut deserve some recognition, so from my tear-stained laptop to yours, I give you my feelings on each player released.
Tristan Davis, Alexander Robinson, Juaquin Iglesias, Byron Isom, Thomas Welch, David Akinniyi, Tremaine Johnson, Ross Homan, David Herron, Tony Carter, Ryan Hill, Cord Parks, Devon Torrence
I completely know who all of you are. We had some good times together, like that time good old Cord Parks did the thing, or like when that rascal Thomas Welch played football. Just thinking about it makes me smile. Once again, I know who you are. My condolences are with you and your families.
Manny Arceneaux, Matt Asiata, Stephen Burton, Ryan D’Imperio, Chris DeGeare, Caleb King and Cedric McKinley.
You guys made the practice squad, so you barely even got cut. I won't cry for you, Argentina.
Jeff Dugan, Heath Farwell
I'm going to miss Jeff Dugan, legitimately. He was always there, and there's something to be said for that. One time he caught a touchdown pass from Ryan Longwell, and it was the happiest I've ever seen two white people on a football field. Really heartwarming stuff right there. Heath Farwell was a Pro-Bowler! I'll bet you never knew that! He was a special teams ace and his name was Heath, and f there's anything wrong with America today, it's that there aren't enough special teams aces named Heath. He holds a special place in my heart. Good luck boys, we'll miss you.
Jaymar Johnson, Stylez G. White
Sad to see them go, if only for the fact that I can't say 'Jaymar Johnson' or 'Stylez G. White' anymore. Johnson actually stings a little bit because I always thought he would make something of himself and contribute to the team. Stylez G. White is just a perfect name, but not much else.
Ryan Cook
Oh thank heavens he's gone. Ryan Cook is terrible at football. He should get another job. Maybe as a cook?!?!?!?!?!?! Ahahahahahaha! Oh boy, I crack myself up! Well now I feel better about everyone else who got cut.
Now that we've properly recognized our dearly departed Vikings (and Ryan Cook), we can move on to more important things: four days until real football!
Back to the Minnesota Vikings Newsfeed