The first day of the college football season is literally 100 days away. In a little more than 2400 hours, you'll be watching Michigan manhandle defending national champion Alabama. You'll be watching Nick Saban openly weep on the sidelines and A.J. McCarron attempting this move to stop Jake Ryan from sacking him anymore. If that seems like a lot of time to you, then you simply don't have enough stuff to do. Fear not, chatwolverines.com is here to give you 100 ideas for how to pass the time. I suggest quitting your job and doing one of these each day for the next hundred. Enjoy:
100. Go to the beach and show off your really sweet team-specific tattoo.
99. Confirm your status as white trash and decorate your main source of transportation with team colors, paint jobs, rims, rear-view mirror dice.
98. Read online to learn more about your Ohio's fanbase
97. Participate in a bike race and try not to do this:
96. Work for baseball team as a mascot
95. Take up diving
94. Rent a dune buggy and explore the beaches in your area
93. Come to appreciate the game of soccer like our European brethren and those 3 people you know that talk about it like their Ruud Von Nistelroy
92. Take a long nap and awake feeling refreshed
91. Go to a friend's lake house and remember simpler times using their rope swing.
90. Take grandpa to the ol' crick for some fishing
88. Have a couple drinks with friends
87. Give people a look into your cultural heritage
86. Lay out and get nice base tan
85. Spend quality time with your children
84. Go outside of your comfort zone and make new, different friends
83. Hate NATO, without a clue as to why you hate NATO
82. Make and throw a poop bomb, because you hate NATO
81. Spend less time with family after telling everyone you wanted to spend more time with your family
80. Learn to bartend
79. Learn to cook (read: put sandwich toppings onto bread)
78. Visit your grandparents
77. Put down the video games and go out and watch a baseball game
76. Start a company, get it valued at $100 billion, IPO, immediately see its value drop 35%.
75. Bend it in a manner similar to a younger version of David Beckham
74. Raise the world's new fattest house cat. Marvel at the fact that no matter how fat the cat gets, it's face stays the exact same plumpness.
73. Enjoy the weather and horse around on a trampoline in your backyard
72. Read that scintillating Hunger Games series to get fired up for a big game
70. Go to a baseball game, find the nearest Dodger fan and beat him within an inch of his life
69. Find a bunch of high schoolers to coach and swear profusely at them
68. Save up 18k to buy the queens used knickers
67. Take up golf and shoot a 55 on 18 holes
66. Incessantly stick your foot in your mouth an insult as many people in one sentence as is humanly possible
65. Follow in your father's footsteps while looking more and more like your father daily, which sucks, because you're a woman
64. Refuse to answer anyone's questions any time ever
63. Recreate the final scene of My Girl
62. Eat Josh Hamilton's huge sausage
61. Put a lot of IcyHot on Steve Strasburg's junk
60. Forget to do your job after a rain delay
59. Get yourself all freaked-out for World Goth Day
58. Rescue adorable animals with their heads stuck in tin cans
57. Hit someone in a stupid hat in the head with a golf ball
56. Play a little lacrosse and start a bench clearing brawl with the other team. Be Canadian.
55. Play a soccer game to the death against Pablo Escobar
54. Take 300k from the NBA players union, get called out by Derek Fisher
52. Look at an adorable gorilla
50. Shag some fly balls before a game
49. Lose a few pounds using the same diet system as Jennifer Hudson
48. Defend the honor of your mother with a Nerf sword against the tyranny of a Papa John's manager
47. Makes racists look even more stupid than they already do
46. Hit a major league home run and break part of the scoreboard
45. Organize a hurdlers race and forget to put up the correct number of hurdles
44. Get so tired of backing up Tony Romo that you go to work as a math teacher in Tacoma
43. Design a campus for a corporate giant that looks like a Nuva ring
42. Not study, so the Washington Post can continue to write awful articles like this one
41. Claim you got fired for being too hot, while not being very attractive at all
40. Have your marriage ruining by that prick Zuckerberg
39. Create the future of vaginal rejuvenation using a Charleston chew
36. Make possible the least entertaining trailer in the history of moviedom and pay for it at the box office. I want to know why the aliens are under the water and that is absolutely all I want to know.
35. Feel really bad about getting dunked on by Caron Butler. Still sweep a series with the LA Clippers
34. Play soccer, attempt to avoid alligators
32. Elope
31. Try to recreate a mildly humorous Bud Light commercial
29. Get really, really sexy with a cupcake
28. Try not to make a hateful remark...try really, really hard not to say something hateful...console the single lesbian affected by this
27. Stop wearing clothes that make you look like a chick, unless you're a chick
26. Don't be a dick
25. Use your time on the bench to create a very uninspiring, confusing, uncreative celebration for your teammates that are actually playing, make 1.5 mil+ for it
24. Work in a salad and save your heart
23. Make me feel old because I've been a coherent (relatively) sports fan for the entirety of his 15 year career
22. Have a very, very high opinion of yourself
21. Go about attracting the opposite sex completely the wrong way
20. Spend way too much money on your adorable, sweatered ferret
18. Be more delusional than you're typical delusional self
17. Throw everyone else under the bus
16. Ruin a really good time for everyone
15. Take a nap instead of doing something like this
14. Become a little league umpire
13. Find out what Curt Schilling is investing in and get the hell away from it
11. Get as far away from these sheep as possible
10. Silence a potential witness with a 107 mph fastball
9. Not care at all about this group of jabronis
7. Realize why the rest of the world hates us
6. Wage the most morally defensible American war of the last 60 years
5. Learn how NOT to conduct an interview
4. Impress me even though I don't like your sport
3. Find a better way to disguise your face in a robbery...
2. I said WRAP IT UP!!!! Especially if you're in Japan.
1. Eliminate Kobe Bryant from the NBA playoffs, make all the people in the world with souls happy:
That should keep you busy for the next 100 days...
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